Alex: The Life of a Child

Frank Deford

Frank Deford, who turns 70 today, is one of my writing heroes. His book, Alex: The Life of a Child, is the most moving memoir I have ever read, probably because my daughter Erin and I feel like Frank’s relationship with his daughter Alex mirrored our own. Alex had her “little Daddy” wrapped around her little finger, and he wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Alex was eight years old when she died of cystic fibrosis on January 19, 1980, seven months after Erin was born. This book, the story of Alex’s life, is so eloquent and intimate that neither Erin nor I can read it without sobbing. But that’s a good thing. Reading about Alex’s short but heroic life inspires us to be better, to appreciate every drop of life we are given, and to express our love and appreciation of others.

I was fortunate enough to interview Frank for my book, Sixty Seconds: One Moment Changes Everything, a collection of 45 life-changing stories from prominent people whom I interviewed. When I asked Frank to comment on an incident involving one of Alex’s many surgeries, he agreed that he also would have selected this incident for the interview because it was the most powerful of all the moments he shared with Alex.

Frank’s was the only story in the book that I excerpted, word for word, from the author’s own book. The thought of rewriting Frank’s account struck me as sacrilege.

Here is the first of two excerpts I used from Alex: The Life of a Child. Each excerpt was followed by Frank’s reflections more than 25 years after Alex had died. Do yourself a favor and buy Frank’s book. Oh, and don’t forget to donate a few bucks to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation.

     Now that I was there, they were ready to make the chest incision and insert the tube. The first time Alex had a collapsed lung—a pneumothorax, it was called—she had been given a large dosage of painkiller, and it really knocked her out; she slept for hours and was groggy many more. Thereafter, even though she was so frightened of pain, she seemed all the more frightened that she might never wake up, and so she told the doctors only to give her a local.

     We did not know it at the time, but this would be the last occasion when Alex would—could—have the tubes inserted. [My wife] Carol and I, and Alex, feared that it would keep happening, again and again, the final cruel indignity, but what we did not know was that, after this time, [Dr.] Tom Dolan doubted that her body could stand the trauma of another cut. There was so little left of her.

     And so I carried Alex into her treatment room. By then she had prepared herself fairly well, but as soon as she saw that stark table where she was to lie and receive her shot and her incision, she stiffened and was the little girl again. “No, not yet! Not yet!” she cried, and she clung to me as tight as she ever had.

     I remember noticing that both nurses there turned away from us at that moment, because, for all they might see, day after day in a hospital, there was such an awful intimacy to Alex’s gesture that they could not bear to intrude on us. I only held Alex and tried to comfort her more.

     And, in time, when she had composed herself, she said, “All right. I’m ready now.” And so she was.

     So I started to lay her down where they would cut her open. And in that moment, I could not hold back any longer; one tear fell from all those welling in my eyes. And Alex saw it, saw my face as I bent to put her down. Softer, but urgently, she cried out, “Wait!” We all thought she was only delaying the operation again, but instead, so gently, so dearly, she reached up, and with an angel’s touch, swept the tear from my face.

     I will never know such sweetness again in all my life.

     “Oh, my little Daddy, I’m so sorry,” is what she said.

     One nurse turned and bowed her head and began to sob. The other could not even stay in the room. She ran off to compose herself. It was some time before we could get going again.

 

 

ABOUT PHIL BOLSTA

Phil is the author of Sixty Seconds: One Moment Changes Everything, a collection of 45 inspiring, life-changing stories from prominent people he interviewed, including Joan Borysenko, Deepak Chopra, geneticist Dr. Francis Collins, acclaimed sportswriter Frank Deford, Dr. Larry Dossey, Wayne Dyer, Dan Millman, Caroline Myss, Dr. Christiane Northrup, Dr. Dean Ornish, Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen, Dr. Bernie Siegel, James Van Praagh, singer Billy Vera, Doreen Virtue, Neale Donald Walsch, and bassist Victor Wooten.

Here is a three-minute video that introduces you to Phil and his book. Click here to buy Sixty Seconds. Click here to ask Phil to add you to his e-mail list for updates on his blog and books.

Reading this book is like spending a few minutes face to face with each of the contributors and listening to their personal stories. Click here to read unsolicited testimonials from readers. Learn more by visiting the official Sixty Seconds website.

Sixty Seconds was one of three finalists in the General Interest/How-To category at the 12th annual Visionary Awards presented by COVR (Coalition of Visionary Resources) in Denver on June 27, 2009.

Tags: Alex Deford, Alex: The Life of a Child, cystic fibrosis, Frank Deford