A friend recently confessed that he had resumed an addiction he thought he’d conquered years ago. In the not-too-distant past, I would have reacted judgmentally. Instead, my heart went out to him, imagining the shame and vulnerability he must be feeling.
In the last few years, I have been so humbled by life that judging others for such shortcomings has become unthinkable. I’m very happy with the life I’ve built and with who I am, yet there are areas of my life in which, from all objective standards, I have failed miserably.
True, I’ve learned from these setbacks and now view them as stepping stones that brought me to where I am today. But I still can’t help but wince when I think of some of the relationship and financial predicaments I’ve gotten myself into. If somebody else had messed up like that, I’d probably be shaking my head, too.
Here’s what I’ve learned. Next time you take a step backward, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, ask yourself three questions:
• What can I do differently next time?
• How can I use this experience to help others?
And the most important question of all:
• What is the gift in this?
The beauty of reframing even the most challenging of moments as a gift is that, even if the “divine purpose” you come up with is wildly off the mark, the act of searching for meaning and purpose raises your consciousness, which ultimately leads you to live your life with more meaning and purpose.
Looking for the gift in every moment naturally leads you to act more positively in every situation, which in turn produces more favorable outcomes. Ultimately, when you view every moment as a gift, you become a gift to the world.
Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.
Art Linkletter
ABOUT PHIL BOLSTA
Phil is the author of Sixty Seconds: One Moment Changes Everything, a collection of 45 inspiring, life-changing stories from prominent people he interviewed, including Joan Borysenko, Deepak Chopra, geneticist Dr. Francis Collins, acclaimed sportswriter Frank Deford, Dr. Larry Dossey, Wayne Dyer, Dan Millman, Caroline Myss, Dr. Christiane Northrup, Dr. Dean Ornish, Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen, Dr. Bernie Siegel, James Van Praagh, singer Billy Vera, Doreen Virtue, Neale Donald Walsch, and bassist Victor Wooten.
Here is a three-minute video that introduces you to Phil and his book.
Reading this book is like spending a few minutes face to face with each of the contributors and listening to their personal stories. Click here to read unsolicited testimonials from readers. Learn more by visiting the official Sixty Seconds website.
Tags: beating yourself up, failure, learn from mistakes, messing up, optimistic, rose-colored glasses, see the gift, spiritual
September 12, 2009 at 12:02 AM
It took a great deal of time, but now when I look back at my most terrible experiences, I am grateful for what they helped me realize, or the different direction they pushed me in.
I was raped a few years ago while traveling abroad. After the incident I was taken to a health clinic where I rested for a few days and recovered from minor physical injuries. One night I was sleeping at the clinic when someone woke me up and asked me to help. There were four mothers giving birth at the clinic and we only had two free beds.
For the following three months, I lived at the clinic and helped birth babies every day. It was amazing. I also got involved with a community center and a home for mentally and physically challenged people. If I had never been raped, I would have traveled on to Cambodia and returned to the US within one month. I wouldn’t have been there for people who needed help, nor would I have had one of the most amazing, positive experiences of my entire life.
Having the experience of being raped as well as helping at a health clinic has helped me connect to so many people. It opened my eyes to the troubles of other women which I had been ignorantly unaware of before. Can I call being raped a gift, no, not yet at least. But can I see it in a positive light, sure!
September 12, 2009 at 12:07 AM
Wow, what a positive story. I can’t imagine calling a rape a good thing either, but I could say that once an event happens, it’s to our benefit to make the most of what happens afterwards. Very well said, Jackie Rose!
September 12, 2009 at 12:16 AM
Thanks! I can’t imagine looking at it any other way. I’d hate to spend my life feeling miserable every time I thought of the trials I’ve faced! The trick is, as you said, to make the most of what happens afterward. If we get stuck in fear or overwhelmed by grief, we can’t see the afterward. If we move forward, the event, whatever it was, loses some negative weight and falls into line among all our other experiences.
Alright, its late and I am rambling! Night!
September 12, 2009 at 12:20 AM
Well said yet again, J.R.! Yes, we midnight marauders best get some shuteye!