We’ve all been there. Somebody you care about—a family member or good friend—is completely oblivious about how a flaw in their behavior is causing problems with people. So how do you help somebody see the light if they don’t have a clue that they don’t have a clue?
Well, here’s one approach. There are no guarantees it will work, of course. In fact, the chances of immediate success may be small. But at the very least, putting yourself out there like this might plant a seed that will blossom sometime down the road.
WE NEED TO TALK
I’d like to talk to you about something that I think needs to be talked about. I’ve tried to bring up the subject before but you’ve gotten defensive and angry so I didn’t pursue it. That leaves me with three options:
1) Cut ties with you. Obviously, I don’t want to do that. Even if you treat me poorly at times, you mean too much to me to just walk away. Besides, this isn’t just about me; it affects all the relationships in your life. You are a good, kind and loving person, but you are not coming across that way. That’s what I hope to raise your awareness about.
2) Ignore the issue and accept you the way you are. That’s not a healthy option because people who care about each other shouldn’t sweep things under the rug and pretend everything’s great when it’s not. That creates a strain in the relationship that only gets worse over time.
3) Bring up the subject in a loving, respectful way and do my best to help you realize that the way you’ve been behaving is causing you problems with people, and that it’s only going to get worse if you don’t make any changes. More than a few times, people have sat me down and pointed out some things I wasn’t aware of that needed to be changed. I’m grateful they did. I wouldn’t be who I am today without that kind of loving intervention from people who care about me.
I want to reiterate that I’m only bringing this up because I want to help you. That’s my only motivation. I’m willing to risk you getting angry with me. I care about you that much. You’re such a smart person that I know you’ll get this someday. I just hope that, for your sake, “someday” is now instead of ten years from now.
ABOUT PHIL BOLSTA
Phil is the author of Sixty Seconds: One Moment Changes Everything, a collection of 45 inspiring, life-changing stories from prominent people he interviewed, including Joan Borysenko, Deepak Chopra, geneticist Dr. Francis Collins, acclaimed sportswriter Frank Deford, Dr. Larry Dossey, Wayne Dyer, Dan Millman, Caroline Myss, Dr. Christiane Northrup, Dr. Dean Ornish, Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen, Dr. Bernie Siegel, James Van Praagh, singer Billy Vera, Doreen Virtue, Neale Donald Walsch, and bassist Victor Wooten.
Reading this book is like spending a few minutes face to face with each of the contributors and listening to their personal stories. Click here to read unsolicited testimonials from readers. Learn more by visiting the official Sixty Seconds website.
Sixty Seconds was one of three finalists in the General Interest/How-To category at the 12th annual Visionary Awards presented by COVR (Coalition of Visionary Resources) in Denver on June 27, 2009.