Transcending Life as a Flowerpot

dad-portrait

My dad, Kent Bolsta

On an otherwise ordinary Thursday night, my dad slept in his own bed in his own home for the last time. He didn’t realize it, and never would. He was to spend Friday night—and all the rest of his nights—in a nearby nursing home.

His memory had been failing for at least a decade but it wasn’t until a warm September evening six years before that I truly became alarmed. In my mind, it was the night he veered off the main highway of life and began weaving erratically down Alzheimer’s Avenue.

He had headed the stats crew for University of Minnesota Gopher football games for forty years, and, as was his custom, he was going to drive the twenty minutes to my townhouse after the game and sleep over rather than drive an additional seventy miles to his home in St. Cloud.

I didn’t expect him until after midnight; at a quarter to one, the phone rang. He was lost. He was calling from the Hopkins House Hotel a couple of miles away. I cheerfully told him that all he had to do was head east on Highway 7. He said he didn’t know which way east was, which startled me. I then heard five words that sent a chill up my spine. In a soft, sweet voice, he said, “I’ll never make it, hon.” I paused for a second, then said, “I’ll be right there.” I drove over and he followed me home.

It was another couple of years before he stopped driving altogether. A year after that, my mom began bringing him to the St. Cloud Veterans Administration Medical Center for adult day care. It was a godsend for both of them. He loved the staff, loved to swim and exercise, and best of all, loved to while away the time working on arts and crafts projects. My parents’ house is filled with these little treasures. I too shared in the bounty; a pink ceramic piggy bank he painted stares happily down at me from a shelf as I write this.

My dad was very happy at the V.A. for a few years. But when he no longer could follow simple instructions and began needing one-on-one attention just to color a picture, the staff gently told my mom that other arrangements needed to be made. My mom hoped to keep my dad at home as long as she could but when he was unable to shower in the morning without help, she knew she had run out of options. With a heavy heart, she drove him to a nursing home that Friday morning.

As my dad’s mind deteriorated, I thought about Roger Delano, who contracted a rare and incurable condition called transverse myelitis, an inflammation of the spine that causes paralysis. Delano, who recounted his experience in Self-Realization magazine, said he was unfazed when a doctor told him he would never walk again. Indeed, thanks to his unshakable faith, he was able to walk out of the hospital under his own power nine days later. Here’s what he wrote:

I knew that everything that was happening to me was up to God, that He was the only healer. I felt safe, knowing I was surrounded by the overarching mantle of His perfect care. Whatever God brought to me, I wanted. Even if I retained all of the mobility of a flowerpot, it didn’t matter. I was still the same, the vehicle of expression had changed, that’s all. A flowerpot can still hold a beautiful flower.

Some would say that my dad’s slow descent into oblivion was a tragedy. I prefer to view it as the natural unfolding of a Divine plan, the details of which I am not privy to. From the very start, as his mental capacities diminished, my mother, sister, and I surrendered to the process. Clinging to any expectations would have been counterproductive. Instead, we focused our attention simply on loving him in the moments we had together.

Inevitably, the glimmer of recognition in my dad’s eyes began to flicker and fade. But that was okay. With a hug, a kiss on the cheek, and a shoulder rub, I could still communicate with him through the language of the heart. Besides, I knew who he was—and that he would forever be who he always was.

We got the call from the nursing home eight weeks before his seventy-ninth birthday. His eyes were glazing over and he was having difficulty breathing. It was his time to go.

I was fortunate to have a few minutes alone with him as he lay on the bed in his room for the last time. I snuggled up beside him, rested my head on his chest, told him how much I cherished him, and shared some of my favorite memories of our life together. I like to think that, on some level, he was able to hear and understand me.

At one point he jerked up his head, and for a moment, his panicked eyes were filled with terror. In a soothing voice, I told him that it was okay, that I was here, and that everything would be all right. The fear passed from his eyes and he lowered his head to the pillow. I remember feeling honored that I could comfort him in his hour of need.

Soon, the family gathered around his bed and the vigil began. One minute before midnight, the changeless, eternal essence of who he was burst forth, free to soar once again. Hours later, alone and in silent gratitude, I hit my knees and thanked God for giving me the gift of being my father’s son.



POSTSCRIPT 1: A few years after I wrote the above essay, I shared an especially poignant moment with my dad shortly before he passed away.

POSTSCRIPT 2: My dad not only personally welcomed the guests at his funeral, he also provided the entertainment. Here is my eulogy from that service.





Click here to see all my posts featuring my parents and grandparents.





Click here to see all my posts related to Alzheimer’s.






ABOUT PHIL BOLSTA

Phil is the author of Through God’s Eyes: Finding Peace and Purpose in a Troubled World, a comprehensive guide to living a spiritual life. Who will benefit from reading it?

Anyone who is on a spiritual path, or wants to start one
Anyone who loves life, or wants to learn how to
Anyone who is happy, or wants to be happier

To order your copy of Through God’s Eyes, go to GodsEyesOrder.com OR order from Amazon at GodsEyesAmazon.com OR for an inscribed copy, click here to e-mail Phil for information.

Click here for more information about Through God’s Eyes.
Click here to ask Phil to add you to his e-mail list for updates on his blog and books.

Through God’s Eyes won first place in the “Spirituality and Inspirational” category at the San Diego Book Awards on June 22, 2013.

Here is a two-minute video introduction to Through God’s Eyes.




Want to learn more about Through God’s Eyes? Here is a free 40-page PDF sampler from the book that includes:

• an overview of the book
• the complete table of contents
• the Foreword by Caroline Myss
• my Introduction
• chapter excerpts
• a sample end-of-chapter story
• endorsements from authors and thought leaders

Just click on the link below to download your free PDF sampler!
THROUGH GOD’S EYES PDF SAMPLER





logic-of-living-a-spiritual-life-book-cover

Phil’s eBook, The Logic of Living a Spiritual Life: Supporting a Life of Faith Through Logic and Reason, is now available for 99 cents on Amazon.

Order it at GodIsLogical.com.

In this eBook, you’ll find answers to questions like:
• What is the cornerstone of a spiritual life, and why?
• What is the secret to liberating yourself from other people’s judgments and expectations?
• Why is there an exception to “Everything happens for a reason”?


Those who worship logic instead of God are only half right. Not only is it logical to believe in God and to live a faith-based life, the existence of a loving, benevolent God that governs all creation is perhaps the only systematic worldview that explains every aspect of life.




Schedule a Mastery Mentoring phone session with Phil to learn how to apply principles of spiritual living more effortlessly and effectively. Priced affordably! Click here to e-mail Phil for details.



SiSe_fullcover_final.inddPhil is also the author of Sixty Seconds: One Moment Changes Everything, a collection of 45 inspiring, life-changing stories from prominent people he interviewed, including Joan Borysenko, Deepak Chopra, geneticist Dr. Francis Collins, acclaimed sportswriter Frank Deford, Dr. Larry Dossey, Wayne Dyer, Dan Millman, Caroline Myss, Dr. Christiane Northrup, Dr. Dean Ornish, Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen, Dr. Bernie Siegel, James Van Praagh, singer Billy Vera, Doreen Virtue, Neale Donald Walsch, and bassist Victor Wooten.

Here is a three-minute video that introduces you to Phil and his book. Click here to order Sixty Seconds. Click here to ask Phil to add you to his e-mail list for updates on his blog and books.

Reading this book is like spending a few minutes face to face with each of the contributors and listening to their personal stories. Click here to read unsolicited testimonials from readers. Learn more by visiting the official Sixty Seconds website.

Sixty Seconds was one of three finalists in the General Interest/How-To category at the 12th annual Visionary Awards presented by COVR (Coalition of Visionary Resources) in Denver on June 27, 2009.

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11 Responses to “Transcending Life as a Flowerpot”

  1. woody green Says:

    great man who loves his father and GOD. nice to read your posting, i will visit this blog again next time. thanks for sharing. i invite you to comment my blog. GOD bless you.

  2. familygathers Says:

    Really loved your essay. My family is going through a similar experience with my Dad. I wish you Love and patience with your father. And hope that time is kind to you both.
    Regards,
    Sharon

  3. Lori La Bey Says:

    Phil,
    I found your story so refreshing and peaceful. I love how you look at the situation with your Father as a gift vs a disaster. I too choose to look at my Mother with Alzheimer’s as a blessing. She has taught me to live to be PLLAFULL (which stands for the Powerful Last Lessons of Acceptance, Forgiveness, Unconditional Love, and Letting go) She has taught me to live my life at a deeper level, one I did not know existed, leaving behind the shallowness the ego loves to swim in. (Well, most of the time – I think that is a trap I will always need to watch closely especially in the society we live in)
    I will never look at a flower pot the same again! Although I have always loved flowers, from now on I will forever see potted flowers, cuddled in warm rich black dirt. Their petals exploding in transition, like the faces of loved ones as they change during the progession of the disease. Yet looking closely their eyes and smile still able to communicate on a deeper level as they vibrate with the plants pure energy. Thank you for sharing your wonderful insights!
    May you keep the peace and stillness within, to continue to connect with your Father and others, well into the future.

  4. Phil Bolsta Says:

    Thank you for your kind and insightful comments, Lori. I sense a shift coming in how Alzheimer’s is viewed as more people like yourself are experiencing it, and talking and writing about it. The collective consciousness is being raised. Best of luck with your work on this topic!

  5. Dad Had Alzheimer’s But Was “Still In There” « Triumph of the Spirit Says:

    [...] I brought it to St. Cloud, Minnesota, to give a copy to my mom. On my way back home to Minneapolis, I stopped at the nursing home to see my dad. He was sitting in the day room in the Alzheimer’s ward, waiting for lunch. Well, that’s not [...]

  6. creativepotager Says:

    Ahh each read always comes at a perfect moment. Phil, I am so glad you took the time to share your story.

  7. Phil Bolsta Says:

    My pleasure, creativepotager!

  8. Maritza Says:

    I am 37 years old .. i don’t know if its hormones or what…but while i sat here reading this .. i just became aware that I’m in the process of change.. smack dab in the middle of changing the way i see my world … I’ve got a looooong story that i hope to tell one day .. i don’t know how to put it all together just yet but i will write a book about my life and what my sisters and i have been through..I just wanted to share that your work, your posts etc.. they have this power to.. i don’t know ..clear the blur … remind me that every single moment is special and that i should pursue writing i should pursue a more positive way of thinking for myself and my 15 year old daughter. Thanks for sharing.. thanks for putting your thoughts your energy on paper for people like me to read… its hard to see clearly sometimes.

  9. Phil Bolsta Says:

    I am very glad to hear of your epiphany, Maritza. Keep heading in that direction and you’ll go far! Perhaps my post on affirmations will be helpful as well: https://bolstablog.wordpress.com/2008/07/27/affirmations/

  10. robin Says:

    Very nice, Phil. And said about one great guy!
    Robin

  11. Phil Bolsta Says:

    Thank you, Robin!

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