Turning Adversaries Into Allies

coworkers-talking-smilingI loved my job but one of my coworkers didn’t like me much. I dreaded running into her—her disdain was almost palpable. But what bothered me more was knowing there was someone in the world whose mere presence made me tense.

Then it hit me. If I couldn’t change the way she felt about me, I would change the way I felt about her. I decided to change the energy between us by bathing her in love every time I saw her. The next time I encountered her in the hallway, I sent her loving energy from my heart and envisioned her surrounded by light and love.  

Such a simple shift in perspective made a world of difference! Instead of dreading the sight of her, I now looked forward to seeing her! That constant source of tension disappeared and I was free to fearlessly roam the halls once again.

Did she treat me any differently? Hard to say. I do think her attitude softened a bit. The point was, her attitude no longer affected me. And on some level, I know without question that the loving energy I sent her way had a healing effect. After all, that’s what loving energy does.

It’s important to note that I didn’t draw on my own limited supply of love; I simply opened my heart to accept the inexhaustible divine energy that surrounds us in every moment. And because I served as a channel to bring in and redirect that healing energy, I was energized and healed as well. Everybody wins!

The lesson? Whenever you feel tension with somebody, resolve to be a vessel, a channel, an instrument of God’s pure, inexhaustible love. Then, instead of depleting your own limited reserves, you will be serving as a conduit for the deep love of God, which will heal and energize you both—in body, mind, and spirit.

How do you do that? Get your ego, your “self,” out of the way. Try this exercise: Close your eyes and imagine that you are floating near the ceiling, dispassionately looking down on your physical body.

When you can separate your identity from your body like this, when you can serve as a conscious witness to your own life, you will be able to step aside, metaphysically speaking, and let the deep love of God flow through your body as if it were a radio tuned to a divine frequency.

Whenever you feel out of attunement and all you can broadcast is static, visualize God—in whatever form resonates with you—standing next to the person with whom you are in conflict. Imagine God is smiling lovingly at you, urging you to open your heart, gently whispering, “Love this,” until you once again feel bathed in God’s deep love.

Give it a try and let me know how it goes!

As a bonus, here’s another way to choose love when love seems like an impossible choice to make.

Click here to view all my posts about relationships.


Through God’s Eyes: Finding Peace and Purpose in a Troubled World, is a road map for living a more peaceful, beautiful life. It’s the one book that explains how dozens of spiritual principles interact, how to weave them together into a cohesive worldview, and how to practically apply this spiritual wisdom to daily life.

Who will benefit from reading Through God’s Eyes?
Anyone who is on a spiritual path, or wants to start one.
Anyone who loves life, or wants to learn how to.
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6 Responses to “Turning Adversaries Into Allies”

  1. woody green Says:

    well done! you make a great decision not to hate her, but bathing her with love? that’s totally impressing! you have a great attitude.
    Phil rules!

  2. Phil Bolsta Says:

    Thanks, Woody! I hope that others try this technique. It’s a simple way to reframe a negative as a positive. It certainly worked for me!

  3. Fritz Says:

    Phil , Woody .

    Firstly , Woody , would you care to console my sceptical heart ; Where you sincere with your applause for Phil ?

    There are a few levels on which Phil could be challenged .
    Personally I find the motive of personal gain { which is underlying his report heavily } disturbing . Especially when love is so liberally ‘channelled ‘ , one may expect a higher mode of altruism .

    Perhaps my distaste was raised – in a profilactic fashion – by Phil’s introduction ..’I LOVED MY JOB ‘ … ?

    Interesting discussion , anyways .

  4. Phil Bolsta Says:

    Fritz, I am mystified by your reference to my motive of personal gain. Are you referring to my desire to experience peace of mind rather than tension? If so, then I would hope that all of us strive for such personal gain.

    I am further mystified by your distaste for my comment about loving my job. Are you of the opinion that one isn’t living a spiritual life unless one is miserable and so completely self-sacrificing that all sense of self is lost?

  5. Fritz Says:

    Phil .
    Thanks for your reply . As you will know : ‘ Words untrustworthy ‘ , and often beg for clarification .

    In short , reading your report , it struck me how limited our concepts of the word ‘ love ‘ is . To profess love for my work – for example – defiles the words usefullness as an expression of exceptional devotion / commitment/closeness/openness … towards another SOULBEARER ; a PERSON ! Surely there are many other , less mystical , terms to apply to ones enjoyment of your occupation ?
    In the same way experiencing myself as a mere channel for love procured from some mystical , supernatural Source
    seems too pragmatic and simple . Whatever Source provides that love surely expects some form of guarantee for your sincerity as its’ medium ‘ ? After all , you have experienced the power of this love : is it fair towards God to advertise it as a common pannacea for social / interhuman ills , complete with ‘ how to ‘ instructions ?
    Yes , He blesses us , but He demands sincerity !
    He ‘ is who He is ‘ – beeing adverse to any human attempts to manipulate his Ways .

    But, to get down to clarifying you mystification about ‘ personal gain ‘ : maybe the words where harshly chosen !
    The point I did want to convey clearly , though , is the difference between love, and social engineering . Loving , you stand under the command of God , who will elevate you to whichever level of understanding you need for your service to him .
    This desireble condition should not be confused with the typically mundane tendency of everyday life , to minimize interpersonal friction . One seeks Gods Will – the other is { like everything of this earth } mastered by your OWN will , albeit dressed in pseudo/religious garb !

    Do forgive – and forget – me , if you live for Nirvana , and not for Heaven !

    Thank you

  6. Phil Bolsta Says:

    Fritz, arguing about the appropriateness of the word “love” with regard to me writing that I loved my job would be nothing more than an exercise in semantics. On some level, you’re probably right, but all that matters to me is that I convey the correct meaning to readers. And that I did. Saying that I love my job is a good way to describe my feelings about my job in a way that the mainstream understands and immediately gets.

    Yes, I believe that we serve God well by channeling divine love to try to make the world a better place and/or trying to bring genuine peace and joy to other people and ourselves. If I can urge others to do so by means of “how to” instructions, I will do so gladly, knowing that I am encouraging other people to be more loving and kind.

    As for your last comment, love can always transform mundane, everyday life into moments that serve and honor God. It goes far beyond minimizing interpersonal friction. It’s about elevating consciousness and sending loving energy to others who may be in desperate need of it.

    I suspect that your definitions of Nirvana and Heaven may differ from mine. I strive for unbroken attunement with the divine so that I may experience Heaven on earth.

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