If there’s a kid in your life who likes to laugh, Kids Pick the Funniest Poems will make a wonderful present. I wrote five poems for it (including the one below) but that’s not why I’m recommending it. I don’t get any royalties from sales. I just think it’s an awesome book that every kid should have.
Bruce Lansky of Meadowbrook Press combed through tons of poem books to collect what he thought were the cream of the crop. He then read the finalists to actual grade school classrooms and the kids voted on which poems they liked the most. Those are the ones that made it in the book.
One of the reasons the book turned out so well is that Stephen Carpenter illustrated every poem. He’s a wonderful artist and his work really brings the book alive. Coincidentally, I found out later that Stephen just happened to be the illustrator for a number of greeting cards I had sold earlier to Hallmark. Small world!
I’ve read some of the poems to grade school classes and kids absolutely love it. Lots of teachers keep the book in the classroom because it’s a class favorite. I’ve even received fan letters from kids all over the world, some of whom were doing book reports on me. Ha! It’s fun to respond back to them.
My daughter was twelve when I wrote the five poems that I contributed and we were in full goofball mode, so writing them was easy and fun! I hope you enjoy the book!
I’M GLAD I’M ME
I don’t understand why everyone stares
When I take off my clothes and dance down the stairs.
Or when I stick carrots in both of my ears,
Then dye my hair green and go shopping at Sears.
I just like to dress up and do goofy things.
If I were an angel, I’d tie-dye my wings!
Why can’t folks accept me the way that I am?
So what if I’m different and don’t act like them?
I’m not going to change and be someone I’m not.
I like who I am, and I’m all that I’ve got!
THE MONSTERS IN MY CLOSET
The monsters in my closet
Like to sleep the day away.
So when I get home from school,
I let them out to play.
When Mom calls me for supper,
I give them each a broom.
First they put my toys away,
And then they clean my room.
The Mummy hates to vacuum.
So if he starts to whine,
I kick his rear and tell him,
“Trade jobs with Frankenstein.”
Wolfman used to fold my clothes.
I’ll give him one more chance—
Last time he wasn’t careful
And left furballs in my pants.
When my room is nice and neat,
I bring them up some food.
But Dracula wants to drink my blood—
I think that’s pretty rude.
When it’s time to go to bed,
I hug them all goodnight.
They jump back in my closet,
While I turn out the light.
I’ve taken care of monsters
For as long as I recall,
But the monsters in my closet
Are the nicest ones of all!
MICHAEL O’ TOOLE
Michael O’Toole hated going to school,
He wanted to stay home and play.
So lied to his dad and said he felt bad
And stayed home from school one day.
The very next day he decided to say
That his stomach felt a bit queasy.
He groaned and he winced ’til his dad was convinced,
And he said to himself, “This is easy!”
At the end of the week, his dad kissed his cheek
And said, “Son, you’ve missed too much school.”
“But still I feel funny, and my nose is all runny,”
Said the mischievous Michael O’Toole.
Each day he’d complain of a new ache or pain,
But his doctor could find nothing wrong.
He said it was best to let Michael rest,
Until he felt healthy and strong.
Michael O’Toole never did get to school,
So he never learned how to write—
Or to read or to spell or do anything well,
Which is sad, for he’s really quite bright.
And now that he’s grown, he sits home alone
’Cause there’s nothing he knows how to do.
Don’t be a fool and stay home from school,
Or the same thing could happen to you!
I don’t like doing homework,
I know that it will bore me.
But now I am much happier
’Cause Freddie does it for me!
He greets me at the door each day
When I come home from school.
He just can’t wait to read my books—
I think that’s pretty cool!
I give him all my homework,
Like history and math.
And when he’s done I give him
A nice warm bubble bath!
My grades are so much better now,
Which makes my parents glad.
Freddie is the smartest dog
That I have ever had!
THE TOOTHLESS WONDER
Last night when I was sound asleep,
My little brother Keith
Tiptoed into my bedroom
And pulled out all my teeth.
You’d think that I would be upset
And jump and spit and swear.
You’d think that I would tackle Keith
And pull out all his hair.
But no! I’m glad he did it.
So what if people stare.
Now, thanks to the Tooth Fairy,
I’ll be a millionaire!
Click here to read six other goofy kids’ poems I’ve written!
Click here to view all my posts about parenting.
Click here to see all my humorous posts.
ABOUT PHIL BOLSTA
Through God’s Eyes: Finding Peace and Purpose in a Troubled World, is a road map for living a more peaceful, beautiful life. It’s the one book that explains how dozens of spiritual principles interact, how to weave them together into a cohesive worldview, and how to practically apply this spiritual wisdom to daily life.
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