Still Clueless Perhaps, But Making Progress


My buddy Tom Endres (left) and I hosting a college talent show in our wild and crazy days

One February, when my daughter Erin was five years old, I picked her up at a friend’s house where she had been playing after school. As we arrived home, she mentioned that when spring arrived, she’d like to grow a plant that she had received as a gift since it was dying now. I said, “Better ask Mom how to do that. She knows a lot about plants and flowers.” Erin paused, then said, “You don’t know much, do you?”

It was true. Erin was a perceptive kid and even though she loved me dearly, she sensed that I had as much growing up to do as she did.

I had always been the life of the party in high school and college, cracking jokes and hamming it up. In my late twenties, however, I began dreading parties, especially those where intelligent conversation was expected. Surrounded by smart, successful people, I’d feel like a one-man island, disconnected from everyone else and largely ignored. No wonder others had no interest in talking to me; I had nothing to say. I was immature and self-absorbed. I had grown stagnant.

out-on-a-limb-maclaineThen I picked up Shirley MacLaine’s book, Out on a Limb. Her metaphysical adventures were amazing, exciting, inspiring. I didn’t know what “enlightenment” was, but I knew I wanted it to experience it for myself. I felt like a whole new world had opened up to me. This wasn’t a spiritual alarm clock ringing, it was a four-alarm fire.

I sought out more books about spirituality: Love, Medicine & Miracles by Dr. Bernie Siegel; Creating Money: Keys to Abundance by Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer; Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain. The concepts I encountered in these and other books were wild, outrageous, mind-boggling; and yet, on one level or another, it all resonated with


I started looking at people differently; I was less judgmental and selfish, more loving and compassionate. There was more depth to me. I began hearing the first faint urgings of my life’s work, calling to me from the far reaches of my consciousness. I found my voice and began actively writing for the first time since childhood. I finally had something to say.


Six months after my thirty-fifth birthday, I was at work when a subtle shift occurred. It felt like all the spiritual principles I had learned had mingled long enough; in a heartbeat, they coalesced and migrated from my head to my heart. There was no Eureka! moment; I just suddenly felt calmer, wiser, more peaceful and happy. I remember thinking, Oh, now I get it. This is what it’s supposed to feel like. Instinctively, I knew that an exciting new phase in my life was about to begin.

Today, sixteen years later, the memory of that day makes me smile—the kind of tender, doting smile I would give my daughter when she proudly showed me the A she received on her second-grade essay. At thirty-five, I was still pretty clueless, but at least I was headed in the right direction. Who knows? Perhaps in another sixteen years, I will look back at the person I am today and chuckle again at how little I really knew.

I sure hope so.

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Through God’s Eyes: Finding Peace and Purpose in a Troubled World, is a road map for living a more peaceful, beautiful life. It’s the one book that explains how dozens of spiritual principles interact, how to weave them together into a cohesive worldview, and how to practically apply this spiritual wisdom to daily life.

Who will benefit from reading Through God’s Eyes?
Anyone who is on a spiritual path, or wants to start one.
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Phil’s eBook, The Logic of Living a Spiritual Life: Supporting a Life of Faith Through Logic and Reason, is now available for 99 cents.

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In this eBook, you’ll find answers to questions like:
• What is the cornerstone of a spiritual life, and why?
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Those who worship logic instead of God are only half right. Not only is it logical to believe in God and to live a faith-based life, the existence of a loving, benevolent God that governs all creation is perhaps the only systematic worldview that explains every aspect of life.

SiSe_fullcover_final.inddPhil is also the author of Sixty Seconds: One Moment Changes Everything, a collection of 45 inspiring, life-changing stories from prominent authors and thought leaders he interviewed. The roster of storytellers includes Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Neale Donald Walsch, Caroline Myss, Larry Dossey, Rachel Naomi Remen, Bernie Siegel, Dean Ornish, and Christiane Northrup. Sixty Seconds has been translated into four languages: Italian, German, Spanish, and Portuguese. Reading this book is like spending a few minutes face to face with each of the contributors and listening to their personal stories.

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4 Responses to “Still Clueless Perhaps, But Making Progress”

  1. Kim Wencl Says:

    Great post Phil … I can really identify with what you say. The path to enlightenment is a wonderful thing … the hardest part is finding the path … once you get there you never want to leave it! Have you ever talked or interviewed Shirley MacLaine? If you do a 2nd edition of 60 Seconds, she would be a good one!

  2. Phil Bolsta Says:

    No, I tried to reach Shirley MacLaine to interview her for “Sixty Seconds” but I was told that she wasn’t doing interviews. Perhaps for a future book!

  3. Pam Quinn Says:


    I relate to the subtle shift in energy that you experienced. I have been studying the 8 limbs of yoga very methodically and analytically for years and years as part of my practice. I found it frustrating and confusing. I set it all aside and explored other things and magically when I came back to it, I just got it. It wasn’t something that my Mercury head could ever grasp….my heart had to feel it to understand.

    Thank you for your blogs. I find them inspirational and real.

  4. Phil Bolsta Says:

    Thank you, Pam. I appreciate that. Yes, I’m sure that if I read the books that touched me earlier in life, they would have been way over my head. Guess I’m just a late bloomer!

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