When Did I Become Such a Delicate Flower?

profanity-symbolsSomeone showed me an SNL video of Natalie Portman performing a very profane rap song. It’s a YouTube favorite and everyone seems to love it.

I certainly saw the humor behind it—sweet Natalie Portman acting completely against type—but I couldn’t help cringing every time she spewed out another vulgarity. It was painful to watch.

I felt the same way last fall at a cocktail party when I was talking to a guy I had just met. Every other sentence was punctuated with an F-bomb or two. I felt physically uncomfortable and excused myself as soon as I could.

I don’t know when I became such a delicate flower. It’s not like I haven’t used those words myself. And I can still enjoy risque humor if it’s well-crafted and well-executed. But when comedy or conversation is smothered with raunch dressing, I do my impression of a carpenter and make a bolt for the door.

I didn’t consciously become more sensitive to foul language, it just happened. The more that I’ve immersed myself in spirituality, the more jarring it is to hear vulgar language and humor. I just don’t want to welcome anything in my life that doesn’t convey or promote love and positivity.

Again, I’m no angel when it comes to humor. It wasn’t that long ago when I would crack jokes that would make the Pope blush. I think it comes down to tone and intent. Humor that’s dark or mean-spirited repels me. If the same words are spoken with a more positive intent, I’d probably laugh along with everyone else.

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4 Responses to “When Did I Become Such a Delicate Flower?”

  1. Jackie Says:

    I can relate.

    I can’t say I’ve become a “delicate flower”, I feel like I’ve always been that way. I’ve never liked jokes made at someone elses expense. When I was younger (I’m only 23 so we are talking 5 years ago) I would laugh at more profane jokes to fit in. As I’ve come into my own and learned not to pay so much attention to what other people think, I’ve felt more comfortable sitting quietly while others laugh, or excusing myself from conversations with assaulting language.

    A few years ago I was at a comedy club where Sarah Silverman made a surprise appearance. Her humor is all about inappropriate sexual behavior and is punctuated with f-bombs left and right. I still remember it as one of the most uncomfortable nights. I sat and sipped a drink while my family and friends spit their drinks out in fits of laughter.

    I don’t like watching South Park, The Simpsons, or most comedy shows, though I am certainly friends with people who do. As you said, its not that I never curse, or never chuckle at more provocative humor, but I do agree that delivery and context make all the difference. I also try very hard not to judge people who enjoy something I’ve determined is not my taste/style. My mother inherited her father’s trucker mouth and I don’t hold that against her :-)

    For me as well it has something to do with a desire for positivity in my life. I strive to be compassionate and respectful towards people, so it feels unnatural for me to tell demeaning jokes, or laugh and encourage others who do.

    That is my story!


  2. Phil Bolsta Says:

    Very well said, Jackie. I like that you used the word “assaulted.” I was planning to use that word in my post but forgot to. So thanks for taking care of that for me!

    You bring up another good angle. I am mystified at how people can roar with delight at such vulgar humor and clamor for more. I just don’t get it.

    Thanks again for adding your thoughts, Jackie. You are wise beyond your years!

  3. Kathryn Merrow - The Pain Relief Coach Says:

    I certainly like what Jackie said: a desire for positivity. Positively!

    I am always so disappointed when a big name like Lee Iacocca or a “talent” shows a bad example of language for others. Why is it a bad example? Hmmm.

    Perhaps it is my own quest for positivity that causes me to cringe in the face of negativity and harsh language. There is nothing clever or creative about being common. It doesn’t hurt only ears–it hurts spirits.

    And, how about movies? “Reality?” Oh, please! Spend millions of dollars to create movies which inspire and uplift the masses. Make a difference in people’s lives. Help us grow rather than leave us with a black hole filled with poor language and negative ideas.

  4. Phil Bolsta Says:

    You’re right about hurting both ears and spirits, Kathryn. Are you aware of the Spiritual Cinema Circle? They send out positive, inspiring movies. Here’s a sample:


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