No Matter Who You Resent, Relent

poisoned-cupResentment is the inability to forgive, for which you pay a steep price. Investing your emotional energy in past events prevents you from living fully in the moment. It saps your life force, ages you, and weakens your immune system.

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
Malachy McCourt

Cling to resentment and you limit your life. You will never be fully present, fully peaceful, or fully happy.

You may argue that your resentment is justified—indeed, that you are entitled to it. Just remember that every hostile thought you fire off acts as a boomerang.

Your righteous anger takes root and stealthily expands, insidiously choking off avenues of peace and love like a cancerous tumor.

The man who opts for revenge should dig two graves.
Chinese proverb

We cannot carry resentment without it permeating our consciousness and influencing the way we think, speak, and act. We become contaminated with rage. We wonder why our lives seem stuck, why we cannot align ourselves with the divine current, why we focus so much of our attention on those we scorn rather than those we love.

By living like this, by mentally returning to the scene of the crime over and over again, you are binding yourself energetically to those who have hurt you. You are enabling them to hurt you further still, to wreak ever more havoc with your life and psyche. Like a marionette, you allow them to pull your strings—even from the grave.

When we hate our enemies, we are giving them power over us: power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness. Our enemies would dance with joy if only they knew how they were worrying us, lacerating us, and getting even with us! Our hate is not hurting them at all, but our hate is turning our own days and nights into a hellish turmoil.
Dale Carnegie

Ah, and here is the ironic twist. While you are maintaining a death grip on your resentment, thereby inflicting untold damage on your physical and emotional well-being, your assailant is untouched by and oblivious to your wrath.

The one who throws the stone forgets; the one who is hit remembers forever.
Angolan proverb

Acting on your resentment by pursuing revenge is akin to dropping a huge boulder in the middle of your spiritual path. It blocks out the sun and halts all progress.

By striking back at those who have harmed you, you harm yourself. No matter how justified you feel your actions are, meting out your own brand of vigilante justice lowers your consciousness, attracts toxic consequences, and paves the way for future regrets.

Worst of all, there will be a stain in your memory that will not wash out no matter how desperately you scour it with remorse.

If the other person injures you, you may forget the injury; but if you injure him you will always remember.
Kahlil Gibran






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4 Responses to “No Matter Who You Resent, Relent”

  1. Ivan Garman Says:

    Hello and God Bless You,

    Thank you for your article on resentment.
    I went to this site due to the fact that my wife and I have been viciously attacked by a member of our church. (The Spirit of Jezebel )
    This attack has caused the closing of the church and my wife and I are now without our Ministerial Salary. I now work at night cleaning a Fitness Center. This is just part time and the money will not cover our expenses.
    I have tried to forgive this person and his wife, and I have even prayed for them, but I still have an anxiety and heaviness in my heart and sometimes in my chest. I have even thought about medication, but feel that, that would indicate that I am not trusting The Lord. This has become so heavy at times I have toyed with suicide, because the pain is too hard to take. What usually snaps me out of that notion is knowing it would probably kill my 81 year old Mother and possibly my wife.

    Please send up a prayer for me when you get the chance.

    Again, Thanks and God Bless
    Ex-Pastor Ivan Garman

  2. Phil Bolsta Says:

    Consider yourself prayed for, Ivan. I am sorry to hear about your ordeal. But as you implied, trusting God means trusting God in bad times as well as good. If you trust that God is directing you and acting in your best interests, than that means there are hidden gifts in this very painful experience. Perhaps trusting that God does indeed have a plan for you going forward will help ease your suffering. Good luck, my friend!

  3. Fantasia Says:

    I forgive each incident and walk away understanding that my attacker will not change. They then attack by proxy, manipulating others with vicious half-truths and outright lies to vent their rage on me. How do I get out from under this burden?

  4. Phil Bolsta Says:

    That’s a complicated situation, Fantasia, offering lessons on multiple levels. First of all, I am sorry that you are being attacked in this way. It’s easy to say that such verbal assaults shouldn’t affect us, but the reality is that it hurts, especially when we feel powerless to stop them in any way. Essentially, all you can do is live your life as purely and with as much love as possible and let these attacks serve as motivation to raise your consciousness even higher. Clearly, you are being redirected in a way that is requiring you to leave some things behind, whether that means relationships or your ego’s attachment to your reputation, which is beyond your control anyway. We all know the pain of having people look at us in a way that just simply isn’t so, and the frustration that comes with being helpless to do anything about it. The only way to get unstuck is to focus on raising your consciousness and leaving all the bad stuff behind. It’s not easy, it’s not quick, but it may be all we can do. Best of luck to you, Fantasia.

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