Beauty and the Beast of Insecurity

Portia de Rossi

As a naive high schooler, I was in awe of pretty girls. I thought they were pretty much perfect creatures who could get lovestruck boys to satisfy their every whim just by batting their eyelashes. Did I mention I was naive? With a capital N?

As I grew older, I realized that good looks, like lots of money or superior intellectual or athletic ability, are no guarantee of happiness and offer no protection from psychological and emotional challenges. Indeed, those who seem to be “the chosen ones” often view their supposed advantages as more curse than blessing.

Case in point: Portia de Rossi—who now goes by her married name, Portia DeGeneres, in private life—an actress whom I, as a red-blooded American male, can only describe as smoking hot. Yet she is Exhibit A in the argument that Gorgeous does not equal Happy. In her new book, Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain, she comes clean about her lifelong eating disorders, sexuality issues and self-loathing. An excerpt:

When it’s quiet in my head like this, that’s when the voice doesn’t need to tell me how pathetic I am. I know it in the deepest part of me. When it’s quiet like this, that’s when I truly hate myself.

I felt a deep sadness when reading that. Portia de Rossi always struck me as being exceptionally smart, funny and beautiful: the perfect trifecta. Yet the admiration of millions is meaningless to someone who doesn’t admire herself.

How many of us have thought, I’d be happy if only I could have her looks, his money or her smarts? The truth is, expecting to find happiness in external conditions is like expecting to grasp a sparkling jewel by reaching into the mirror that reflects it. Besides, odds are that you’re already happier and healthier psychologically and emotionally than the “lucky few” you envy.

Perhaps it’s time to stop wishing you were more like somebody else and celebrate the gifts that are yours and yours alone. The only obstacle between you and happiness is the belief that there is an obstacle between you and happiness.

Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.
Henry van Dyke


If you feel more stressed than blessed . . . if you have more confusion than clarity about how to live your beliefs . . . if you long to live a richer, happier, more meaningful life . . . you will find a wealth of insight and guidance in Through God’s Eyes: Finding Peace and Purpose in a Troubled World.

Through God’s Eyes is a road map for living a more peaceful, beautiful life. It’s the only book that explains how dozens of spiritual principles interact, how to weave them together into a cohesive worldview, and how to practically apply this spiritual wisdom to daily life.

Readers everywhere are discovering that when you challenge yourself to look through God’s eyes, the world around you changes, and so do you.

Who will benefit from reading Through God’s Eyes?
Anyone who is on a spiritual path, or wants to be.
Anyone who loves life, or wants to learn how to.
Anyone who is happy, or wants to be happier.

Click here to order your copy of Through God’s Eyes from
For an inscribed copy, click here to e-mail Phil for information.

Click here to visit the Through God’s Eyes website.

Click on the link below to download a FREE 28-page chapter!

Click here to read endorsements from authors and thought leaders.

Click here to read unsolicited testimonials from readers.

Click here to ask Phil to add you to his e-mail list for updates on his blog and books.

Here is a two-minute video introduction to Through God’s Eyes.

Like to learn more about Through God’s Eyes? Here is a free 44-page PDF sampler from the book that includes:

• an overview of the book
• the complete table of contents
• the Foreword by Caroline Myss
• my Introduction
• chapter excerpts
• a sample end-of-chapter story
• endorsements from authors and thought leaders

Just click on the link below to download your free PDF sampler!

Schedule a Mastery Mentoring phone session with Phil to learn how to apply principles of spiritual living more effortlessly and effectively. Priced affordably! Click here to e-mail Phil for details.


Phil’s eBook, The Logic of Living a Spiritual Life: Supporting a Life of Faith Through Logic and Reason, is now available for 99 cents.

Order it at

In this eBook, you’ll find answers to questions like:
• What is the cornerstone of a spiritual life, and why?
• What is the secret to liberating yourself from other people’s judgments and expectations?
• How do you reconcile the “free will vs. Divine Will” conundrum?
• Why is there an exception to “Everything happens for a reason”?

Those who worship logic instead of God are only half right. Not only is it logical to believe in God and to live a faith-based life, the existence of a loving, benevolent God that governs all creation is perhaps the only systematic worldview that explains every aspect of life.

sixty-seconds-coverPhil is also the author of Sixty Seconds: One Moment Changes Everything, a collection of 45 inspiring, life-changing stories from prominent authors and thought leaders he interviewed. The roster of storytellers includes Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Neale Donald Walsch, Caroline Myss, Larry Dossey, Rachel Naomi Remen, Bernie Siegel, Dean Ornish, and Christiane Northrup. Sixty Seconds has been translated into four languages: Italian, German, Spanish, and Portuguese. Reading this book is like spending a few minutes face to face with each of the contributors and listening to their personal stories.

Click here to order Sixty Seconds.

Learn more by visiting the official Sixty Seconds website.

Click here to read unsolicited testimonials from readers.

Here is a three-minute video introduction to Sixty Seconds.

Tags: , , ,

2 Responses to “Beauty and the Beast of Insecurity”

  1. mamastemama Says:

    I just attended a lecture by author Dr. Brene Brown (The Gifts of Imperfection) and I wrote this down in my notes: “What those who have a sense of love and belonging possess that those who are looking for love and belonging don’t have is a belief that they are worthy of love and belonging.” Counter to love and belonging is fear and shame. Our sense of worth is the key, not any physical, mental, or material asset. I believe there is deep truth here, echoed in your blog.

  2. Phil Bolsta Says:

    Well said, Lori. I wrote about this very subject in a recent post:

    The crux of it is this: By affirming your inherent worth and accepting God’s blessings, you honor your divine heritage and claim what has been promised to you since the dawn of time.

    “All you have been waiting for is your own permission.”
    Emmanuel (Pat Rodegast)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 471 other followers

%d bloggers like this: