“Lie, Deny, Attack” Is a Bully’s Strategy

Six years ago, a friend of mine was angry because the young woman who lived behind him was playing loud music and partying at one or two in the morning. In the middle of the night, he got dressed, walked over to her place and taped a note to the door telling her to be quiet.

The next day, this woman stormed over to my friend’s house and laid into him as soon as he answered the door. In the middle of her tirade, she accused him of coming over to her place not to place a note on her door but to watch her taking a shower — something that made no sense and that she obviously made up on the spot. My friend was completely flummoxed.

Watching this, I was both appalled and fascinated. It slowly dawned on me exactly what her strategy was . . .

Lie, deny, attack. Use blame and shame as weapons.
Talk very loud, talk over everyone else, and don’t stop talking.

At the time, I didn’t realize how common this strategy was. But now I see it

Self-Improvement . . . Emphasis on “Self”

In church this morning, the minister told of a woman who had filled out an application for the Self-Realization Fellowship Lessons for Home Study. In response to the question, “What effort are you making at self-improvement?” she wrote, “I’m divorcing my husband.” After the laughter died down, he commented that people who find fault with everyone except themselves should look at their own behavior instead of constantly blaming everyone else.

It’s so true. Take a look at the patterns in your own life. If you have a history of relationships ending badly or if you run into the same kinds of problems at

Caroline Myss Video: The Dark Night of the Soul

Caroline Myss

In this insightful six-minute video, Caroline Myss responds to a question from her longtime collaborator, Dr. Norm Shealy, to speak of our relationship to