Posts Tagged ‘communication’

Barking Dogs

November 12, 2010

Some years back, I was doing my best to explain some relationship dynamics to someone close to me. No matter how many ways I tried to convey the information, she wasn’t getting it. I was convinced that if I could just find a better way to articulate the issue that the light would go on and she would understand. Finally, after yet another frustrating discussion, it dawned on me that the quality of my communication skills was irrelevant. I reluctantly had to accept that, for whatever reason, her take on the matter was entrenched, and even though it was counterproductive to us having a good relationship, I was powerless to do anything about it.

In an earlier post, I wrote about how my friend Melanie was forced to give up the expectation that her parents would someday be capable of the kind of relationship she longed to have with them. When she finally realized that they weren’t capable of having the kind of mature, healthy relationship with her that she so desperately wanted, she had to grieve the (more…)

Truly Hearing Your Beloved

November 19, 2008

In the June 2008 issue of Guideposts, I like how Elizabeth “Tibby” Sherrill described how she and John, her husband of sixty years, figured out how to communicate effectively:

Like all long-married couples we have our own vocabulary we call “hog hilling.” Hog Hill Road is a quiet street near us where we’ve probably logged 500 miles over the years, speaking and listening. Going outdoors take the issue out into a larger world where our problems don’t loom so large. It puts us side by side instead of face to face in confrontation. We’ve hog hilled all over the world, finding ears hear best when feet are moving. . . . And perhaps the best hearing device of all, to not talk about facts but feelings. Not about what one of us did or failed to do, but about the emotions involved. Feelings are something we all have in common, truths we can hear. (more…)