Posts Tagged ‘Dave Barry’

Laughing All the Way to Your Colonoscopy

August 31, 2009

Dave Barry

Since I love to encourage people to stay healthy, and laughter is the best medicine, this column by humorist Dave Barry is a perfect fit for my blog! He not only delivers an important message, but does so hilariously. I hope you enjoy it! (umm, the column, not the procedure.)

OK. You turned 50. You know you’re supposed to get a colonoscopy. But you haven’t. Here are your reasons:

1. You’ve been busy.

2. You don’t have a history of cancer in your family.

3. You haven’t noticed any problems.

4. You don’t want a doctor to stick a tube 17,000 feet up your butt.

Let’s examine these reasons one at a time. No, wait, let’s not. Because you and I both know that the only real reason is No. 4. This is natural. The idea of having another human, even a medical human, becoming deeply involved in what is technically known as your ”behindular zone” gives you the creeping willies.

I know this because I am like you, except worse. I yield to nobody in the field of being a pathetic weenie medical coward. I become faint and nauseous during even very minor medical procedures, such as making an appointment by phone. It’s much worse when I come into physical contact with the medical profession. More than one doctor’s office has a dent in the floor caused by my forehead striking it seconds after I got a shot.

In 1997, when I turned 50, everybody told me I should get a colonoscopy. I agreed that I definitely should, but not right away. By following this policy, I reached age 55 without having had a colonoscopy. Then I did something so pathetic and embarrassing that I am frankly ashamed to tell you about it.


What kid doesn't enjoy romping around in an 80-foot long, inflatable colon?

What happened was, a giant 40-foot (more…)

Men, Women and Horses

July 12, 2009

Dave Barry

I wrote an earlier post about what women want from men. It’s really not that difficult to figure out. But as the bumper sticker says, Men are from Sears, women are from Nordstrom. Nobody has captured the difference more accurately and more hilariously than humorist Dave Barry. Warning: Do not drink while reading this essay unless you want your beverage to come flying out of your nose and onto your keyboard!

by Dave Barry

Let’s say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Martha, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”

And then, there is silence in the car.

To Martha, it seems like a very loud silence. She (more…)