John Manley on Stillbirths, Suicide and Reincarnation

John Manley

After years of grieving for his stillborn daughter, my friend John Manley, an author of metaphysical speculative fiction, stumbled upon a concept that at last healed his pain and brought him peace. Whether you agree with his conclusion or not is beside the point. What is important is to find a spiritual or religious path that feels like home to you, and actively work toward crafting a worldview that helps you make sense of the world.

Here, in three parts and in John’s own words, is his story.

DOES REINCARNATION EXPLAIN WHY BABIES ARE STILLBORN?

On Easter Monday, 2005, around 9 AM, I received a phone call. “Mr. Manley, your wife is going in for an emergency c-section…”

It was too soon. Months too soon.

The hospital (where Nicole had already been admitted) was over 45 minutes away. By the time I arrived, it was all over. All efforts at resuscitating our newborn baby girl had been fruitless.

I’ve never been more upset over anything in my life.

Nicole and I went through a number of child loss books. Most of them too bloated for my liking and often off the mark from how I believe the universe operates. But one of those books, however, noted a survey that said that parents who believe in reincarnation recover far more quickly from the loss of their children.

Reincarnation, for me, has always

Billy Joel—Second Wind

I’ve always been a huge Billy Joel fan and have always wondered why this song never became as popular as I think it should have been. Yes, it went to #9 on the charts but it seems to be an afterthought in a discussion of Billy Joel’s greatest songs.

You’re Only Human (Second Wind) was written in 1985 and performed by Joel for the express purpose of preventing teenage suicide. I love the music and the message is a powerful one. I hope that it helped people in despair who were thinking of ending it all. According to Wikipedia:

Dr. Dean Ornish on His Recovery from Depression

Sometimes it seems like half the people I know are on antidepressants. It’s an epidemic with no end in sight. I’ve learned a lot about clinical depression over the years but I gained an even deeper insight into the subject when I interviewed Dr. Dean Ornish for my book, Sixty Seconds: One Moment Changes Everything.

Ornish is the author of five best-selling books, including his tour de force, Dr. Dean Ornish’s Program for Reversing Heart Disease,  which I can’t recommend highly enough. (Don’t let the title fool you; it should be required reading for anyone who wants to enjoy a healthy, happy life.)

Ornish is a giant in his field. He was recognized as “one of the most interesting people of 1996” by People magazine, featured in the Time 100 issue on alternative medicine, and chosen by LIFE magazine as “one of the 50 most influential members of his generation.” 

Here is the start of his story in my book. It’s the fourth, bolded paragraph that I found especially insightful.

After finishing high school in Dallas, I began studying at Rice University, a small, extremely competitive university in Houston. Over half the students there had graduated either first or second from their high school, and most of them acted as though academic success would define their net worth. It did for me. It’s no surprise that Rice also had the highest suicide rate per capita of any school in the country.

From the beginning, I worried that I wouldn’t do well enough to be accepted to medical school. I got into a vicious cycle—the more I worried, the harder it became to study; the harder it was to study, the more I worried. My mind was racing so fast that I couldn’t sleep. I would lie down and watch the hands of the clock go around and around until morning. At one point, this went on for about ten days in a row.

Neale Donald Walsch Addresses Suicide

Neale Donald Walsch

Neale Donald Walsch, author of the Conversations with God series, devoted a post on his blog this week to a comment from a man who was considering suicide. I have lost a number of friends and loved ones to suicide. I share Neale’s post with you now in the hope that his words may provide comfort to anyone who is in a dark place.

SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER

Yesterday a person who posted in the Comments Section here without a name indicated that he was close to suicide. I need to respond to that post, and I invite you to do the same. Here is the comment as originally entered…

No Name
November 12, 2008 8:31 AM
I am as close to suicide as I have ever been. It terrifies me. Im 32, i have my health, I have 2 beautiful young children whom I adore, a wife who has wisdom and kindness that blows me away. I have read your books several times, they changed my outlook, I love your books and I believe the message. But believing is not the same as experiencing. I am unable to experience it…..

Reading so much of what you wrote was more like being reminded of things I already new instinctively, it wasn’t like I was learning new stuff.

But here I am, now, in the moment. And I just want it to end. I loathe this world, I feel like I was supposed to be something, to do something to make it better, but that I’ll never know what it is.

Words fail me, confusion imprisons me here, I wish I could type more through the buzzing behind my eyes. Its the tears that wont come and they sting like hell.